by Burt Prelutsky | Los Angeles

Frankly, I’m amazed that the Democratic party is anything more than a cult. How in the world do they garner more votes than the Libertarians or the Greens? They are beholden to trial lawyers, teachers unions and the ecological crazies. So, why is it that upwards of 55 million Americans are ready, even anxious, to vote for Barack Obama in November? It’s a scary thought. But not half as scary as the notion of “Hail to the Chief” becoming Senator Obama’s theme song.

Democrats insist that we shouldn’t drill off the Pacific coast or in Alaska or in the Dakotas because they claim we wouldn’t get a drop of oil for at least 10 years. And that’s true, but only if the same left-wing idiots who are more concerned with moose than with people won’t allow the oil companies to build new refineries. Also, even if it were true that we wouldn’t be any better off for an entire decade, what do you suppose they’ll be saying in 2018, when gas is going for 25 bucks-a-gallon?

Speaking of the energy crunch, there’s a guy down in Georgia who claims that he can turn virtually anything, including grass clippings and table scraps, into methane gas. He got the idea while standing downwind from the cows at his food production company. He and the U.S. military are building seven pilot plants they claim will give us a million barrels of oil a day. If everything pans out as they think it will, they claim we’ll be free of dependence on foreign oil within five years. Best of all, it suggests that all those gas bags in the House and Senate will finally be of benefit to America. It’s my guess that hooked up properly, Nancy Pelosi, alone, could supply all the energy needs of Dayton, Ohio. Do you realize that Speaker Pelosi, who is only a few heartbeats from the Oval Office, owes all of her power and prestige to the fact that about a hundred thousand people in San Francisco, a city in which cross-dressers constitute a voting bloc, voted her into the House and about 125 House Democrats then elected her to the speakership. You need more votes than that to be elected the mayor of Fresno.

I probably shouldn’t belittle those so-called public servants in Washington, D.C. After all, how would you like to have to wake up each day, knowing you are going to have to listen to the likes of Barbara Boxer, Robert Byrd, John Kerry, Barney Frank and John Murtha, flapping their gums, and all the while pretending you’re paying close attention?

But enough about politics. Let’s discuss religion. That brings us to Barack Hussein Obama, the presumptive messiah of the Democratic party. It’s a funny thing about Democrats. Although they tend to be secular in nature, they are strict fundamentalists when it comes to their candidates. They refuse to acknowledge that their standard bearers have any shortcomings. Republicans, on the other hand, when discussing their own candidates, are eager to point out their every conceivable fault. Republicans are simply more honest and far more realistic than liberals. They acknowledge they are not voting for God, merely the better candidate.

copyright 2008 Burt Prelutsky

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