by Burt Prelutsky | Los Angeles
When it comes to liberals, there are simply not enough hours in a day for one person to record all of their mischief. Speaking for myself, even if I had a staff the size of Mrs. Obama, I’d probably still fall behind.
For instance, liberals love to pretend that “separation of church and state” appears in the Constitution, although I’m sure that most of them are aware that the words only appeared in a letter that Thomas Jefferson wrote to the Danbury Baptist Association. What’s more, they in no way contradicted the First Amendment, which merely prohibited the federal government from establishing a state religion, such as existed in England. But on the other hand, when attacking the Second Amendment on the grounds that the Founders only wanted guns in the hands of “a well regulated militia,” those same liberals never bother mentioning that it was Jefferson who said “No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms” and “The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government.”
Next, I hope that once all the primaries are over, conservatives will suck it up and vote for the victorious Republican candidate in November. I know it won’t always be easy, but it is essential that Nancy Pelosi loses the speakership, and the only way that happens is if the Democrats lose control of the House.
I’m aware that on a few occasions over the past 18 months, a few Republicans have lost their minds and voted with the liberals. In one case, it was the two ditzy women from Maine, Susan Collins and Olympia Snowe, voting for the stimulus bill. More recently, Scott Brown, who is the closest thing to a Republican who could have gotten elected in Massachusetts, joined the two ladies to vote for Obama’s financial regulation bill. It disgusted me as much as anyone that the three New Englanders jumped ship to aid and abet the enemy, but at least they have voted the right way more often than not, which is more than you could expect of the Democrats they defeated in their last elections.
It’s not just that liberals all vote the wrong way, but when it comes to sheer, blatant ignorance, you can’t beat them when they get up a head of steam. Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee, for instance, claimed there were two Vietnams existing peacefully side-by-side, North and South Vietnam. Of course even if there were two such nations, we’d know them as East and West Vietnam. When the error was called to her attention, she naturally said she’d misspoken.
I guess it’s thanks to omnipresent technology that when they put their stupidity on display these days, politicians no longer insist they’ve been misquoted. Now, thanks to videos, open mikes and cell phone cameras, they have instead to insist that their lies, gaffes and absurdities, are all the result of misspeaking.
So it was that when Rep. Hank Johnson claimed to be worried that the island of Guam might tip over if too many American servicemen were stationed there, he quickly explained that he’d misspoken, as did Wisconsin state supervisor Peggy West after she’d taken Arizona to task for its immigration bill when, as she insisted, it doesn’t even share a border with Mexico.
There are subtler forms of stupidity on the Left. We have Barack Obama declaring a six-month moratorium on off-shore drilling, thus doing everything in his power to destroy the Gulf’s economy, while at the same time refusing to drill in Alaska or the lower 48, and, for good measure, sending two billion dollars to Brazil to help them finance, of all things, off-shore drilling.
To take liberal stupidity to its logical extreme, we have Barack Obama, Christopher Dodd and Barney Frank, three of the schmoes most responsible for causing the financial meltdown, concocting a 2,500-page financial regulation bill. When someone asked me if I thought the three stooges had actually read the bill, I said I was certain that they had at least carefully scanned it. After all, how else could they be certain that their favorite lending institutions, the infamous Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, would be excluded from any and all regulations?
Next on Obama’s agenda is likely to be cap and trade, which would do to American energy what British Petroleum did to Louisiana’s pelicans. Considering that Obama recently appointed that eminent proponent of wealth distribution, Dr. Donald Berwick, to oversee Medicare and Medicaid, I assume he will appoint Fred Flintstone to be energy czar.
Finally, no dirty laundry list of moronic liberals would be complete without Nevada’s number one sourpuss. It was Harry Reid who insisted that although it was possible, though highly unlikely, that somewhere there might be illegal aliens working in the construction trade, it certainly wasn’t happening in his home state.
In a related story, the Senate majority leader also announced that there were no hookers in Las Vegas.
copyright 2010 Burt Prelutsky
Television scriptwriter, former humor columnist for the L.A. Times and a movie critic for Los Angeles magazine.