by Burt Prelutsky | Los Angeles

I know that for some people, March 21, 2010, will take its rightful place alongside such infamous days as December 7, 1941, and September 11, 2001.  But at least on those earlier occasions, America was attacked by outsiders.  This time around, those out to destroy our republic were Fifth Columnists named Pelosi, Stupak, Slaughter, Waxman, and 216 of their fellow termites.

Frankly, it was hard to decide which was more obscene — the actual vote, bought and bullied for by the left-wing leadership — or Speaker Pelosi’s crowing about its passage.  In fact, when I saw the beaming faces of Obama, Biden and their various partners in crime, I realized I hadn’t seen national leaders this gleeful since Hitler did a little victory dance step at the railroad station in France.

Half a century ago, Khrushchev and Nixon had what was dubbed the kitchen debate.  Nixon predicted that the Russians would become capitalists, while Khrushchev insisted that socialism would bury us.  Who would ever have guessed that they would both be right?

I know that Obama doesn’t want us to see his birth certificate, his college application or his medical records, but could we at least be granted a peek at his math scores?  I mean, I was willing to give him a pass when, during the campaign, he referred to America’s 57 states.  In the heat of battle, anyone might confuse the number of states in the Union with the number of varieties the Heinz Company used to promote.  But when he announced that with ObamaCare, employers would be able to lower their health insurance costs by 3,000%, I began to have serious concerns.  What if he was simply one of those people who couldn’t keep millions, billions and trillions, straight?  Might that not help to explain most, if not all, of his economic policies?

Even a school child, even a public school child, should know that you can increase a sum by 3,000% or 300,000%, for that matter, but you can only decrease an amount by 100%.

I venture that upon hearing that gaffe, an audience filled with conservatives would have sat in stunned silence for a moment, and then turned to a neighbor and asked, “Did he just say what I thought he said?”  But the goony liberals in attendance swallowed it whole, and when Obama added that these hypothetical employers could then pass along those enormous savings in the form of increased wages, his fans went wild, just as Obama and I knew they would.  The question I keep asking myself is which of us holds his disciples in greater contempt.

In spite of all the mean, though true, things I say about Obama, I can’t help feeling sorry for him.  After all, his Kenyan father deserted him when he was just a baby.  Then, because that had worked out so well, Obama’s ditzy mother then married a Muslim and moved to Indonesia.  Eventually, Obama and his mother were deserted by his step-father, which led to Obama’s mother dumping 10 year old Obama on his white grandparents in Hawaii.  It was there that young Barack took up basketball, marijuana and cocaine, while seeking out radicals, revolutionaries and Communists, as pals and mentors.

The truth is, with that kind of dysfunctional background, Barack Obama could easily have turned out to be a serial killer.  Still, one can’t help thinking that if only he had, today he’d probably be in prison, instead of the Oval Office, and none of us would have to worry about what awful thing he’s going to do next. CRO

copyright 2010 Burt Prelutsky

Television scriptwriter, former humor columnist for the L.A. Times and a movie critic for Los Angeles magazine.

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