by Burt Prelutsky | Los Angeles

For the longest time, I wondered why there always seemed to be such a large audience for those stupid and disgusting movies about zombies.  But after seeing how many people lined up in support of Obamacare, I realized it was because so many Americans, in and out of Congress, had good reason to totally identify with the undead.  Like those lurching creatures in the movies, they, too, desperately require brains, but not to satisfy their insatiable hunger, but simply in order to think clearly.

I never had much regard for Sen. Lieberman, who, except for his support of Israel, might just as well hand over his proxy vote to Harry Reid and stay home in his bathrobe and watch TV soap operas.  In spite of insisting that he’s opposed to the health care bill, he supplied Obama with the 60th vote he needed in order to bring Castrocare to America.  Lieberman, who would like to see his party affiliation designated as an (ID) for Independent Democrat, should realize that ID in his case stands for Idiot.

In fact, all of Congress should come with a warning label reading: Hazardous to America’s Health.

I have been asked if I planned to support Sarah Palin in 2012, and I replied that I would if she got the nomination.  Heck, why wouldn’t I?  I supported John McCain in 2008, didn’t I?  I wouldn’t have the slightest objection to voting for a woman president, but why would I favor Palin over Rep. Michele Bachmann, who, instead of peddling books and trying to prove that she’s not as dumb as those weasels, Charles Gibson and Katie Couric, made her look, is actually doing everything she can to derail Obama’s agenda in Congress.

Because the House and Senate are such constant sources of embarrassment, it’s easy to overlook the fact that there’s a conclave based in America that’s even worse.  I refer to that gathering of knaves, thugs and parasites, who congregate in New York.  If you guessed the editorial board of the NY Times, you’re close, but no cigar.  Actually, I refer to the United Nations.

If you are one of those dunderheads who actually believes that the U.N.– with such prominent members as Russia, China, Iran, Egypt, North Korea, Yemen, Syria, Somalia, Cuba, Afghanistan, Saudi Arabia and Pakistan — is a force for good, you really should seek professional help.  I’d be willing to wager that at least half the people who are currently residing in asylums aren’t as completely divorced from reality as you are.

In typical fashion, a committee of the U.N. General Assembly recently passed the following resolution on the so-called defamation of religion: “Everyone has the right to hold opinion without interference, and has the right to freedom of expression, the exercising of which carries with it special duties and responsibilities and may therefore be subject to limitations.”  So everyone has the right to his own opinion and the freedom to express it, unless, of course, they take advantage of those rights.

Or, in other words, knowing, as we do, how little the member states care for Christianity or Judaism, don’t dare utter an unkind word about Islam.  Or else.

Just like those who trumpet the grandeur of the U.N., I, too, can see the benefits of a one-world government.  The thing is, they want to see it established here on earth and I want to see it limited to Mars.

Finally, I recently identified what it is that separates politicians and diplomats on the one hand and dogs and cats on the other.  It’s simply that, unlike those utterly useless people, our pets don’t break our hearts until they die. CRO

copyright 2009 Burt Prelutsky

Television scriptwriter, former humor columnist for the L.A. Times and a movie critic for Los Angeles magazine.

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