by Burt Prelutsky | Los Angeles

When liberals wake up in the morning, what do you think they do first?  Have a cup of coffee and a Danish or check their computers to get their talking points from the White House?  And when they find themselves in a moral bind, do they ask themselves not what would Jesus do, but what would Obama suggest?

Another question that’s been plaguing me is whether Democrats regard inconsistency as their birthright.  Or do they really think that when a GOP congressman calls a liar a liar to his face, it’s a sin worthy of censure and just possibly a good horsewhipping, but when a Democrat, Rep. Alan Grayson, in defense of Obamacare, insists that Republicans want sick people to die quickly, defends ACORN on the floor of Congress, and, for good measure, calls Linda Robertson, an advisor to Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke, “a K Street whore,” it’s just frank and robust political speech?

Speaking of Obamacare, how essential can it possibly be that Congress immediately passes a bill that won’t even go into effect until 2014, but the President refuses to be rushed into making a decision about a surge in Afghanistan?  I realize that Obama’s IQ slides about 50 points whenever he’s deprived of his beloved teleprompter, but, unlike the nonsense about phantom Americans dying in the streets because of our terrible health care system, surely even he understands that there are actual flesh-and-blood soldiers dying in Afghanistan.  In the meanwhile, Obama takes his own sweet time consulting his Ouija board.  But, then, we all know that members of the military tend to be conservatives, so why should Obama care two figs about their well-being?

Just as a sidebar, doesn’t it seem odd that Garry Trudeau, who went so far as to list the name of every soldier who died in Iraq in his “Doonesbury” comic strip, doesn’t bother mentioning casualties in Afghanistan?  Apparently, war is only evil when it’s being conducted by a Republican president.

Leave it to liberals to push through a trillion dollar stimulus bill that has resulted in unemployment rising from about 8.5% to roughly 10% in less than a year and then try to shove through a multi-trillion dollar bill that will bring Castrocare to America five years down the road.  But, these, after all, are the same clucks who insisted we couldn’t drill our way out of an energy crisis because it would take 10 years for the oil to get from the ground to our local gas pumps.  Although they never got around to explaining why it would take that long — was the oil going to spend a decade playing hide-and-seek? — the fact remains that had they started drilling back then, the gas would just about be here by now.

But, then, Democrats never feel an obligation to be logical.  Otherwise, they might feel compelled to explain how it is that those beret-wearing, stinky cigarette-puffing, anti-American, left-wing nincompoops in France can manage to get 80% of their energy from nuclear plants, but we’re supposed to make do with windmills and the energy generated by hamsters running on their little wheels.

As much as I disagree with the current administration, I, for one, didn’t object to the government’s recent decision to move a GM plant from Michigan to Joe Biden’s home state of Delaware.  It may not have been a nice thing to do, but I think it’s worth it just for the opportunity to hear how the union bigwigs explain it to the UAW members in Michigan, where unemployment is hovering around 15%.  Hey, you poor suckers, how do you feel now about busting your butts, not to mention the union piggybank, to help elect Obama?

Speaking of Michigan, I assume you’ve all heard the audio on which a couple of women in the Detroit crowd lined up to get government checks were asked where they thought the money was coming from.  It seems they believed the manna was coming straight from Obama.  When they were then asked where they thought he was getting it, one of the ladies guessed it was from his stash.  The first time I heard it, I had to laugh.  By the second or third time, it occurred to me that they simply assumed that, like every other cheap Chicago hustler, Obama had a slush fund at his disposal for buying votes.  Which, when you stop and think about it, is exactly who he is and, moreover, what the money is.

Those two women and millions more like them are being paid off for past and future favors.  But if you’re one of those people who voted for this huckster and didn’t get your payoff in Detroit, you’re a lot dumber than those ladies.

Getting back to Democrats and their inconsistent ways, doesn’t it strike you as peculiar that they cried bloody murder over Nixon’s enemy list, but don’t say boo about Obama’s attack on Fox News; the U.S. Chamber of Commerce; every American citizen who attended a Tea Party or a Townhall meeting; conservative blogs; Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity and Glenn Beck; the 1st and 2nd amendments; and in fact on everyone and anyone who objects to a single stupid idea concocted by the loony likes of Emanuel, Axelrod, Sunstein, Dunn, Holdren and Jones.  If only Obama waged the war in Afghanistan with the same passion and conviction he wages war on his critics, one day we might actually defeat the Taliban and get to watch Osama bin Laden doing the tango with Rosie O’Donnell on “Dancing With the Stars.”

Some people — not those folks who cling to their guns and their religion, you understand — but some people look at Barack Obama and, rather than see a radical leftist who has no more business being the commander in chief than I do, see God Almighty.  But I’m afraid they’re very much mistaken.  There’s a world of difference between God and Obama.  God, you see, believes in free will. CRO

copyright 2009 Burt Prelutsky

Television scriptwriter, former humor columnist for the L.A. Times and a movie critic for Los Angeles magazine.

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