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by Burt Prelutsky | Los Angeles

There is probably Careprost For Sale, nothing that people would rather have mentioned in their  obituaries than the fact that along the way they had won a Nobel Prize.  And it's not just  the money, either, although 1.4 million smackers is nothing to sneeze at.  No, what makes  the Nobel Prize so prized is the prestige it gives the recipients.  If you are lucky enough  to win one, you will forever be known as Nobel Prize winner Burt Prelutsky or whatever your own name happens to be, and your words, even those on subjects far removed from  the field for which you were honored, will be taken terribly seriously by a very gullible  public.

I mean, you only have to look at some of the folks who have taken home the Prize  to recognize its hallowed place in the world.  The list includes the likes of Ivan Pavlov,  Sir Alexander Fleming, 150mg Careprost, Marie and Pierre Curie, Harold Urey, 100mg Careprost, Niels Bohr, Enrico Fermi,  Francis Crick, James Watson, 40mg Careprost, and Albert Einstein.  Personally, I have no problem with  such honorees.  I mean, Careprost paypal, even though what I know about chemistry, medicine, physiology  and physics, could be inscribed on the head of a very small pin, Careprost canada, I am willing to accept  that their contributions were remarkable.  And if dynamite inventor Alfred Nobel had left  it at that, I'd have no problem with the Prize; I mean aside from my never having won it. 20mg Careprost, Of  course I'm aware that even in the sciences, people grovel for glory and will  happily stab a colleague in the back if it improves their chances for Nobel recognition.   But at least these folks are responsible for actual achievements.  They discovered such  things as penicillin, radium, heavy hydrogen, 10mg Careprost, and the double helix.

I suppose because they had all this extra dynamite money lying around, 250mg Careprost, the  Scandinavians felt the need to invent a new category called economic sciences.  Suddenly  every two-bit economist woke up to discover that no matter how loony an economic  scheme he came up with, he stood a good chance of winning a cool million in the  Swedish lottery.  In fact, one woman, in her divorce settlement from a professor of  economics, Careprost japan, insisted that she get half the loot if he copped a Prize within the following ten  years.  Sure enough, nine years and a few months later, 30mg Careprost, the woman was several hundred thousand dollars richer.

I don't remember the honoree's name, but it's a pretty safe guess that he was on the faculty at the University of Chicago.  A slew of its professors have won the Prize just in the past few decades.  By this time, the administration can pretty much promise new recruits a parking space, Careprost mexico, a discount in the faculty lounge, and a Nobel Prize of their very own.

But my real beef with the Nobel enterprise is with two other categories --  Literature and Peace.  And, no, I'm not bitter that in spite of my sterling prose, I haven't  been invited to don white tie and tails and give a stirring, but humorous, acceptance speech in Stockholm.  For one thing, I don't own a pair of tails, and, for another, I hate flying.  And while I have no argument with such recipients as Rudyard Kipling, George Bernard Shaw and John Steinbeck, and am even willing to grant that writers such as William Faulkner, Eugene O'Neill, and Jean-Paul Sartre, just might be acquired tastes that I never acquired, how did they come up with Giosue Carducci, Yasunari Kawabata and Shmuel Agnon, Careprost For Sale. Careprost india, I'm not suggesting that Carducci, Kawabata and Agnon, aren't worthy of literary  laurels.  How could I?  I'd never even heard of them.  What I do know is that they wrote  in Italian, Japanese and Hebrew, Careprost coupon, respectively.  Are you going to tell me that anyone at the  Swedish Academy read them in their original language?  Baloney!  It's my hunch that  periodically the Swedes simply decide it's Japan's turn to win or Italy's or Israel's.

What makes me even more convinced this to be the case is the hooey they  concoct as a reason for lavishing fame and fortune on the poor sap.  About Carducci, Careprost australia, they  rhapsodized: "A tribute to the creative energy, freshness of style, and lyrical force which  characterize his poetic masterpieces."  About Kawabata: "For his narrative mastery,  which with great sensibility expresses the essence of the Japanese mind."  And in praise  of Agnon: "For his profoundly characteristic narrative art with motifs from the life of the  Jewish people."

And then there's poor Wole Soyinka, 500mg Careprost, the pride and joy of Nigeria, who had to  stand there in his best bib and tucker and keep a straight face while some Swedish  gentleman actually said, Careprost ebay, "Mr. Soyinka, who in a wide cultural perspective and with  poetic overtones, fashions the drama of existence."

I suppose the fellow who writes this stuff will some day win a Nobel Prize of his  own "for churning out high-sounding bilge year in and year out, Careprost craiglist, expressing the  Scandinavian fondness for unfathomable twaddle."

For good measure, between 1901 and 1910, Careprost usa, which was when Sam Clemens died,  they managed to give the Prize to the likes of Sully Prudhomme, Christian Mommsen,  Bjorstjerne Bjornson, Careprost overseas, Frederic Mistral, Jose Echegaray y Eizaguirre, 1000mg Careprost, Henryk  Sienkiewicz, Rudolf Eucken, Selma Lagerlof and Paul Heyse, but not the author of  "Huckleberry Finn" and "Life on the Mississippi."  I wonder if Sully or Jose or Bjorstjerne thought, 200mg Careprost, when they received the good news, that they might have gotten Mark Twain's mail by mistake. Careprost uk, But even the obvious shortcomings of the Literature award can't compare to the  absurdity of the Peace Prize.  It isn't simply that the award has gone home with such  villains as Le Duc Tho, Kofi Annan and Yasser Arafat.  It has also left Sweden in Jimmy  Carter's suitcase and Al Gore's handbag, and in the luggage of scores of other self-righteous, lame-brained pacifists over the past 108 years, Careprost us. Careprost For Sale, This isn't to suggest that people like George Marshall, Elie Wiesel and the Dalai  Lama, don't deserve our good thoughts, but I'd have thought better of them if they'd simply said thanks, but no thanks.  I mean, the chairman of the Peace committee, in honoring Carter, made it clear that they were using him as a means by which to vilify President Bush for invading Iraq.  And there you have a clue to the reason I despise Carter and the Norwegian Nobel Committee -- and please don't ask me why the Swedes out-sourced the Peace Prize selection to Norway, keeping the important ones for themselves.  Perhaps the Swedes figured that the Norwegians simply weren't up to any heavy lifting.  In any case, I hate Carter because he was so hungry for the tawdry honor that he grasped it to his bosom even though he knew he was only getting it because the presenters needed a stalking horse in order to insult his president and his country.

But, Carter aside, 750mg Careprost, I hate the Peace Prize because it never goes to anyone who is  waging war.  These knuckleheads refuse to acknowledge that sometimes peace can only  be achieved by those willing to confront and defeat evil.  Peace, after all, is easy enough  to achieve.  All you need is to never oppose tyranny.  So it is that no awards were  presented between 1914 and 1919, except in 1917, 50mg Careprost, when it went to the International  Committee of the Red Cross.  Then again, no peace awards between 1939 and 1943.   Then, in 1944 -- surprise, surprise -- the International Committee of the Red Cross won  again.

Inasmuch as they often honor groups and not merely individuals, wouldn't you  think the Scandinavians would have acknowledged their own debt to the R.A.F. and to the British civilians who risked their lives to rescue the English army at Dunkirk, or to the U.S. military, for that matter?  After all, the Nazis were well on their way to weaning the Swedes and the Norwegians off meatballs and herring and on to bratwurst and sauerkraut.

Why didn't they give it to FDR or, better yet, Winston Churchill?  No, Sir  Winston didn't win a Nobel Prize for helping to defeat Nazi Germany.  He finally got it  in 1953 -- for Literature, for-crying-out-loud. -- "for his mastery of historical and  biographical description as well as for brilliant oratory in defending exalted human  values."

I can't help thinking that Sir Winston would have preferred winning it "for having  tied a tin can to der fuhrer's fanny."

As for the latest recipient, how can anyone dare suggest that Barack Obama, who, in spite of not even being able to bring the Olympic Games to Chicago, hasn't done every bit as much to bring peace to the world as Carter, Le Duc Tho and Yasser Arafat? CRO

copyright 2009 Burt Prelutsky

Television scriptwriter, former humor columnist for the L.A. Times and a movie critic for Los Angeles magazine..

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